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2007-04-17

Sleeping with a Hit Man

SLEEPING WITH A HIT MAN

My husband woke me up the other night by having a tremendous sneezing fit. Of course, he slept through it. So, after being left wide awake and staring at the ceiling with my husband again snoring beside me, professing no knowledge of the episode the next day, it got me to thinking.

One of the unwritten laws of marriage seems to be that if one partner is a light sleeper, the other is bound to be one who snores. There are many more unwritten laws of marriage, one of the biggies being if one is a morning person, the other is bound to be a night person. It’s like the whole tomato, tomahto thing.

I didn’t start out as a light sleeper ...BUT sleeping with a “Hit Man” certainly brought this about. No, I didn’t marry someone from the mob, “Hit Man” is the term I have coined for my husband who rudely awakes me by uttering sudden loud noises that are often accompanied by an arm violently flung toward me, usually in the gut.

I was getting pretty good at figuring out that when a noise is uttered, an attack will soon follow, so I positioned myself away from the attack. Then he changed tactics…. Somehow sensing the target was being missed, he started hitting first and talking later.

One of the glaring character flaws of these “hitmen” is that they deny all knowledge of the event the next day. “I said what?” or “I don’t remember doing that, sorry”.

Last night after being violently awakened, I turned over and punched my husband right in the arm.
“Ouch!”, he said
“What did you say?”, I asked
“You hit Me.”, he said
“How do you know? I asked “Aren’t you asleep?”.
“No, I’m not asleep and my arm hurts,” he said.
“I don’t remember anything, sorry!”

By the way my husband and I have been married for 43 years (44 in May), so as you can tell I am just venting my frustration today.

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