Psych Patient, MD

Straddling the border of sanity

Stick it to them Sept 10!

Okay, this isn't a political blog, but I want to pass this info on and this is the largest platform I have. I received this email message through a safelist of which I am a member.

This is a public notice I thought you may like to read.

Subject: STICK IT TO THEM - Prices of gasoline
IT HAS BEEN CALCULATED THAT IF EVERYONE IN THE UNITED STATES DID NOT PURCHASE A DROP OF GASOLINE FOR ONE DAY AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME, THE OIL COMPANIES WOULD CHOKE ON THEIR STOCKPILES.

AT THE SAME TIME IT WOULD HIT THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY WITH A NET LOSS OF OVER 4.6 BILLION DOLLARS WHICH EFFECTS THE BOTTOM LINES OF THE OIL COMPANIES.

THEREFORE September 10TH HAS BEEN FORMALLY DECLARED "STICK IT TO THEM DAY" AND THE PEOPLE OF THIS NATION SHOULD NOT BUY A SINGLE DROP OF GASOLINE THAT DAY.

THE ONLY WAY THIS CAN BE DONE IS IF YOU FORWARD THIS E-MAIL TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN AND AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN TO GET THE WORD OUT.

WAITING ON THIS ADMINISTRATION TO STEP IN AND CONTROL THE PRICES IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REDUCTION AND CONTROL IN PRICES THAT THE ARAB NATIONS PROMISED TWO WEEKS AGO?

REMEMBER ONE THING, NOT ONLY IS THE PRICE OF GASOLINE GOING UP BUT AT THE SAME TIME AIRLINES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES, TRUCKING COMPANIES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES WHICH EFFECTS PRICES ON EVERYTHING THAT IS SHIPPED. THINGS LIKE FOOD, CLOTHING, BUILDING MATERIALS, MEDICAL SUPPLIES ETC. WHO PAYS IN THE END? WE DO!

WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. IF THEY DON'T GET THE MESSAGE AFTER ONE DAY, WE WILL DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.

SO DO YOUR PART AND SPREAD THE WORD. FORWARD.

Bumper Sticker

Seen today while walking the streets of NYC:

I don't know about that. There are times when nothing bothers me. Then there are times when the mere fact that other people are breathing just drives me nuts! I guess I just haven't found my "passion" yet. My raison d'etre. Any reason to be.

Making Decisions

When I was a kid, I discussed everything with my dad. I listened to him whether or not I agreed with him because he was my father. Every decision I ever regret making while I was growing up, I now blame on him.

Now when it comes time to make a major decision in my life, I refuse to discuss it with ANYBODY until I have my own opinion firmly formed in my head. I don't want to be able to "blame" somebody else for the outcome of my decisions. Funny thing is that it's NOT because I believe that someone will influence me into making a decision that is not in my best interest. On the contrary, I am very liable to make a decision simply to prove somebody wrong!

Do my decisions effect the people around me? Most definitely yes. Does my decision-making process matter to anybody besides me? I think that is my own private business. I've lost many "friendships" along the way because my decisions and my way of life were not understood by people who claimed to care about me. In my opinion, those friendships were lost because those people did not care enough about me to stick around long enough to pick up the pieces that they predicted were sure to fall due to my foolishness. And if they came back around when my life did fall apart, I sent them packing. In my definition of friendship, friends stick by you no matter what, and only then do they earn the right to say, "I told you so."

Is this inflexibility a result of depressed thinking? Maybe. Thought processes seem to become more concrete in depressed people. Am I a stubborn, pig-headed mule? Well, yeah. I admit that. It's part of my charm.

; )

Like mother?

forwarded to me by gweiss

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake
My biscuits were too hard
Not like mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew
I didn't mend his socks
Like his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Just like his mother used to do.

Projection

I always get anxious whenever I am about to take on something new, something that I know other people would like to do if given the chance. I get anxious because I am waiting for the "talk" to start. I am waiting for the whispers about how I don't deserve the opportunity, that I somehow finagled the chance by trickery rather than by earning it, that I will fall flat on my face because I dared to reach far beyond my limited capabilities.

When I was in high school, I wanted to do a lot of things. I desperately wanted to be yearbook editor. I joined the yearbook committee only to quit a few weeks later because my father didn't think it was proper for me to go out searching for advertisers to help defray the cost of producing the yearbook. I know that I was talked about for that one. From sophomore through senior year, I was a joke to the yearbook staff. I can prove it with the deliberate snide inaccuracies about me throughout the yearbooks. High school is a tough time. Adolescents trying to distinguish themselves and establish an identity can be cruel to other teens.

With each new endeavor that I undertake, I relive that agony from high school. I anticipate harsh words from critics. I expect friends to become enemies. I wait for the rug to be pulled out from under me. Failure is always lurking just around the corner. It doesn't matter how many awards or degrees that I may accumulate. Nothing comes for free, and people soon realize that I never had the currency to pay my dues.

Or maybe I just think that they do, because that is what I think of myself.

Don't ask, don't tell

Wall Street Journal-July 21, 2005-Depression

In an article titled "The Latest Rules On What Not to Talk About at Work", the writer gives an example of a top-rated manager at a Kansas health-care company, who was diagnosed with depression. He decided to tell co-workers on the well intentioned belief that "people like me must take chances if we want to destigmatize mental illness". He should have called me for advice. I still fight the stigma of depression and probably will for the foreseeable future. Depression is not a career booster. Ultimately, the corporate executives at his company believed that depression would hurt his performance. He eventually resigned. The Wall Street Journal listed depression, mental illness and substance abuse as "taboo" topics at work.

taken from today's VagusNerveStimulator.com Bulletin, a monthly newsletter about Vagus nerve stimulation and depression

Random Thoughts

I thought that I was incapable of grieving for my mother, so why was I crying while thinking about her a couple of weeks ago? And why has her funeral service been running through my head lately?

Why do people insist on rubbing their triumphs in your face when they know darn well that you are having trouble just getting started in the very same arenas? I just can't believe that they are sincerely trying to "motivate" you.

What does it mean when your therapist tells you that he can hear the joy in your voice, but can't see it in your body language? Where is the disconnect?

When will I be able to feel happy and not feel guilty about it? 

Good Intentions: Bad idea?

During my last days as a physician-in-training, my supervisors and other well-meaning people tried to help me look on the "bright side." One suggestion made to me was that now I would have the time to start a family. Right. Not married, not in a relationship, just lost my only means of financial support and could see no opportunity of ever becoming financially stable. Yeah! Point me to the nearest sperm bank. It's time to have a baby!

I know, intellectually, that people were trying to help me. They wanted to see me catch up on all the things that I had put off during my training. They believed that I now had the opportunity to lead a fuller life. And that was true. I now had time to focus on other things in life. But emotionally, it killed me inside. I had devoted my entire life to building a career. Now that career was gone. A baby was going to fix that? How was I suppose to raise a child out-of-wedlock with no visible means of financial support and no stable family life? It was a painful reminder of how alone I was in the world and how misunderstood I felt.

If you ever make a suggestion that isn't well received, don't take it personally. We all have our own frame of reference influencing our thoughts and perceptions. Not everyone will see eye-to-eye.

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