Time to get busy!!

We Have A Winner Here!

2005-07-20

Stalling for Time!

The long hot days of summer have arrived and here in the southern United States the humidity and temperature make it almost too unbearable to move, much less attempt to accomplish any work. So, today before venturing out to pick my tomatoes and field peas, I decided to relax and read a little. I happened on this article and the further I read, the harder I laughed - being born and raised in snow country. It's rather lengthy, but well worth the time. 

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Currier & Ives print. It was so romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow, such a disappointment. My neighbor Bob tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow....... 8" last night. The temperature dropped to 20 degrees. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 truck. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels & stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly, we aren't in Alaska!

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing, roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Freakin snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March, I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me, I think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the he is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she... nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying.

December 24: 6" of snow today. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a- who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his toes. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that damn snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%A& slop tonight, snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude, I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to minus 30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above 50. Still snowed in and THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" of snow predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling!

January 8: I feel so good and I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
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I reported to Parris Island, SC for active duty with the United States Marine Corps "TODAY"

The date IS 30 June 1960




Posted at 12:14:54 PM  |  Post Comment  |  Read Comments (2)

2005-07-05

It Even Affects The Animals!!

Life in the country is much different than that of our city cousins and although I had never thought of it in this way, our animals are also much different..............

We spent Father's Day at the home of my son, John Steve, and his wife, Leslie this past weekend. They have a cat "Tikkie" that spends it's life completely indoors - in fact I have heard them say that the cat is actually petrified anytime that it has to venture out into the wide open spaces!! Run of the house, it's own special food, on it's own special plate, it's own bed, unless it wants to sleep on theirs....................... wow, what a life..........................Now, Leslie's parents were also there and since they live about 6 hours drive away, they brought their 100 pounds of Golden Retriever along - "Mollie" another of the indoor dwelling animals that for the most part only goes outside when nature calls, then she's on the end of a leash and in the company of one of her masters and for the most part only long enough to do her business. Of course, Mollie too has her own dishes, bed, toys, run of the house, regular doctors appointments and everything else that every self respecting dog should have.

As the day progressed, a couple of things became pretty evident - Mollie, the dog was as scared of Tikkie as Tikkie was of the outdoors - it was terrible, the cat knew that she had the upperhand and would sneak around to where the dog was and just step right in front of it - the dog would run, bark, and tremble with fear. Somebody would pick up the cat and tell her that she should not do that - someone else would pet and calm the dog down, and everything would be fine for awhile until they again got too close to each other.

All this got me to thinking - at home I have a Part-Australian Sheep Dog named "Toby". Now Toby has had his required shots but that is the only time he has ever seen a Vet - he's healthy as a bear - he has never set foot a house and you probably could not drag him into one. He has an automatic feeder out under the shed which is kept full and there is a bucket under a dripping faucet for him to drink from. He roams free, knows all the neighbors(they have all tried to adopt him at one time or another), I have seen him as far as 2 miles away, but anytime that I whistle, he is there within a few minutes.

We also have cats - anywhere from 7-8 to 18-20+ depending on the time of year - none of them are really named and they would not think of coming through the door into the house. They are fed dry food once a day and hunt for the rest - I very seldom see a mouse or rat on the place. The cats eat out of Toby's feeder, and he will eat a little cat food most every day, but, when I go outside with the table scraps, the cats, no matter how many, know to just sit and wait until Toby has eaten what he wants - then it's all theirs!!!

What a drastic difference! Although they all seem satisfied - all roles are reversed, and although I cannot say for sure, I believe I see my "country" animals smile much more than the others.

Since this really doesn't seem to be going anywhere else, I guess the best way to get out of here is like my 2 year old grandson when he gets tired of having a book read to him - no matter where in the book you are, he says "The End"........and he is done listening!!!
 


 
That 12 years certainly flew by, I graduated from High School "TODAY"
The date is 27 June 1960


Posted at 11:38:15 AM  |  Post Comment  |  Read Comments (3)

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