Single Parenting

2005-06-20 Posted at 12:42:32 PM

Being a single parent is a tremendous job.  There are a few things that can help take off the pressure.  If you are fortunate enough to have an extended family nearby that is willing to help you that is fabulous.  Otherwise, you must invent a support system. so that you can do the myriad things required of you without losing your mind.  In other  words, take care of yourself.  You need nurture, just as your children do.

One thing you must be aware of is how important to your children your ex-spouse is.  Even if you hate this person, DO NOT USE YOUR CHILDREN to get revenge.  DO NOT talk negatively about your ex to the kids.  That puts them in the middle and can cause all kinds of emotional messes for them.  Find an adult friend or family member to vent your anger with.  There is nothing better than a good friend who listens.  If you have none, go visit a clergyperson or therapist.

Act as an adult when you arrange visitation, decision making about education and religious training or whatever.   If you are unable to have an adult conversation with this person, hire a mediator or therapist who will teach you how.  There is a lot of discomfort here, but your children are too important to sacrifice at the altar of dissention.

Everyone needs renewal time...that is, time away from the kids used to refresh and restore your soul.  If you leave home to do it, be sure that a responsible adult is around to look after them, so they are safe and you won't have to worry. Even teens need supervision when a transition from a two parent to a one parent home is occurring. 

Some things you can do at home everyday or when ever.  Give yourself a bubblebath, listen to your favorite music, engage in some physical activity with the kids that is FUN!..or anything else that suits your fancy.  The important thing is that you choose something that gives you JOY!.. something that renews your spirit.

Enough for now.  More on this later.  Questions???  Comments!  Share what you know about this.

Bee

DEET is TOXIC!

2005-06-06 Posted at 02:42:59 PM

I just heard a well meaning person sing praises of DEET as the best prevention for West Nile Virus. This makes me furious!!! Deet is a neurotoxin which is absorbed through the skin. It is UNSAFE for children, animals and YOU!!!. The FDA approves of so many things which are tauted as CURES, but actually cover symptoms temporarily and destroy vital organs in the process! There are other options. I tried to sell one on the internet, but few people were interested. How about finding some SAFE options that keep mosquitoes at bay!

BEE

Altzheimers: Thief in the Night!

2005-06-06 Posted at 01:23:25 AM

My 92 year old mother died September 30, 2004 after a six year bout with dementia! It all began after my father died from a lengthy illness in the spring of 1998. They had moved from Texas to a retirement home in Alabama just two months before he left us. Mama told me that she was worried about her memory. I passed it off as stress related, since she had been caring for Daddy 10 years. After a time, she began to have delusions and paranoia. Some of it was related to improper nutrition and dehydration...her apartment thermostat was not working and the temperature was 95 degrees continuously. So I moved her to Saint Louis where her diet and environment could be better regulated.

Nutritional supplements brought her back for about a year...then it was necessary to give her meds to help postpone the inevitable. An MD once told me that people with dementia aren't suffering, because they don't have any idea what is happening to them...NOT SO. Mama was aware of the loss of her mental prowess and it was very painful for her.

My own experience was one of perpetual grief...I remember her as a loving, caring, gentle woman with a sharp mind and deep religious convictions. As time passed she became incapable of managing her finances, of staying alone and of knowing what kind of clothing was appropriate for any occasion...and her personality changed. She was an angry, frustrated person.

She loved to bake...one day when she decided to make a cake, she was unable to remember how to set the oven controls, so ended up with a batch of batter that was sadly unfit to eat.

Other times, she would think I was her sister, or someone else...that happened as over time she believed she was first a young woman, then a teenager and finally a child. One day, she asked me how old I was. When I answered, she retorted, "I know your name is Betty, but you aren't my child, because I've never been married. I don't have any children.

Her last happy day was her birthday, August 22. My dauguhters and I took in a special lunch and made cupcakes with strawberry icing. Unfortunately, she had no appetite, but she belly laughed and seemed to enjoy the day greatly. After that she began to have frightening delusions and hallucinations...thought that everyone who came to visit had a knife or a gun and wanted to kill her...caused by overmedication.

We took her off the medications. She was fully aware of her surroundings until she contracted pneumonia from aspirated food. I was with her when she left us.

The Sunday of the Memorial Weekend was tough. Hymns from my childhood were played during church services. They reminded me of how fortunate I am to have grown up in a loving, stable home. Now I'm the senior generation.

Bee

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