2006-03-02

Reflection and Music

"No amount of darkness shall stand in the way of my dreams" -Vi(r)e, Dreams of the unwanted

(Author's note: I don't own any of these songs. Lyrics are care of Letssingit.com)

You know, I'm looking back on my life and I'm finding that my first 18 years on God's Green Earth have not been the best they could have been. I could have been out having wild parties, doing things, but I chose the path of the light, and I'm kinda regretting it. I could have had fun with my life. I curse my stepmom everyday for her restrictiveness. I was never allowed to leave the house for anything social, unless I was going to my neighbors, and even then, I was only allowed out a half hour. She thought she could control me and make everything fall apart. Well This song tells the story: Falling Apart by Zebrahead

Everything's falling apart

Stutter step through another trap set by deception

Mention rejection rejection

Always lies in your eyes

Settles in your action, lies in your eyes

Settles in your action

Jeopardize everything that I want

And I won't compromise anything anymore

In any way victimize myself any more

Liberty yeahManipulations on my mind

Expectations well defined

Frustrate meLiberate me

CauseEverything's falling apart(You can't control me, You can't control me)

Everything's falling apart(You can't control me, You can't control me)

Everything's falling apart

Now I can't see you

Doesn't matter what I do

I can't see you

Cause everything's falling apart

I got exposed to a deeper form of infection

Shout out "I need acception"

Always lies in your eyes

Settles in your action, Lies in your eyes

Settles in your action

Criticize everything that I do

And I will overcome anything that's in store

Nevermore look up to you and adore

Liberty yeah

Manipulations on my mind

Expectations well defined

Frustrate meLiberate me

Cause Everything's falling apart(You can't control me, You can't control me)

Everything's falling apart(You can't control me, You can't control me)

Everything's falling apart

Now I can't see you

Doesn't matter what I do

I can't see you

Cause everything's falling apart

Manipulation is on my mind(Inspect me - try to check me)

Expectations well defined(Dissect me - want to wreck me)

Violator of my own will(Accept me - reject me)

Separate or shoot to kill

And everything's falling apart(You can't control me, You can't control me)

Everything's falling apart(You can't control me, You can't control me)

Everything's falling apart

Now I can't see you

Doesn't matter what I do

I can't see you 

Cause Everything's falling apart(You can't control me, You can't control me)

Everything's falling apart(You can't control me, You can't control me)

Everything's falling apart

Now I can't see you

Doesn't matter what I do

I can't see you

Cause everything's falling apart 

And I've had people tell me that I'm in a bad way, and they offer advice starting with the words "If I were you..." 

Doesn't that annoy anyone else? So I have a song about it. It's called "Your Not Me" by Marty Bags.

You think I've got it all
Everyone thinks I've got it made well 
How come my only friends are the ones I pay?
No one understands
What I would do to change my life for just one day
Don't say if I were you (say if I were you)
Or tell me what you'd do
Or things would be if
You were in my shoes
Cuz you're not me
 
You know what I need
And it's not another serenade
I get so tired of all the things you say
So give me what I want
if you only would I'd gladly throw this all away
 
Don't say if I were you (say if I were you)
Or tell me what you'd do
Or things would be if
You were in my shoes (cuz you're not me)
Please take me as I am (take me as I am)
This isn't what I planned
Guess I don't expect that
You can understandCuz you're not me
 
I know you think you're bein' nice
But spare me all your lame advice
Time to play my hand and role the dice
Everybody's got their price
For far to long I've been denied
I'm makin' my move so just step aside
No one can say I never tried
To do everything to get back my pride
 
Hey, you were never me
Why can't you see
That you're not me (me, me, me, me, me, me, me)
 
Don't say if I were you (say if I were you)
Or tell me what you'd do (tell me what you'd do)
Or how things would be if
You were in my shoes (cuz you're not me)
Please help me if you can (help me if you can)
This isn't what I planned (this isn't what I planned)
I guess I don't expect that
You can understand
Cuz you're not me
 
(If ya can't tell, I'm a big music fan of many kinds. Music is my life!)
 
 
Then I think back to December 10, 2004. The day dad died. That makes me wonder... what happened? 
First they tell me he had a stroke. Then they tell me that the splint in his neck broke... WHAT GIVES? 
sounds a bit suspicious to me, but There is still a song that describes it for me:
 "Untitled (How could this happen to me)" by Simple Plan (Major fan of these guys!)
 
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
 
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
 
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
 
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold on
On to a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
 
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading awayI
'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
 
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me? 
 
You know to be honest, I make my life out to be horrid, but I see that it's not. I got a little brother who 
I love with everything I have, even if he is a pestilence. He told me about this rapper/wrestler 
named John Cena and this song that happens to be his. I was a bit wary at first, cause 
I don't like rap much, but "Right Now" by John Cena made me think about my life in a different way.
 
[John Cena]
Yeah
You can't help but feel it
Can't help but feel this one
Uh-huh uh yeah
 
Excuse me for a minute while I lighten the mood
Just clap with me like the lightning do, yeah
A bit of soul food that you be bitin into
And if you feel me then I'm writin for you, uh-huh
Right now put another coat of wax on the ride
For a minute put the beef and the gats to the side
Cause this track's got a vibe to chill to
Enjoy life for 5 minutes, man it's not gon' kill you
 
It's okay to be hard and stay true man
But at the end of the day, we all hu-man
This one's for you, the ones that you close to
Show some love, it's what you supposed to
Right now, forget the ends and the Benz
Pop a cold one, man toast it wit'cha real friends
Call your folks, tell 'em you tight now
Cause everything lookin pretty good right now
 
[Chorus - sped up vocal sample]
 
[Tha Trademarc]
Right now baby, we all gon' ride
So place those things on your hips or side
The soul vibe gon' change, give way with fame
But sometimes the moral change or stay the same
Relax baby, right now you here
And sit back baby, with a round of beer
And cheer to those friends who crowded near
For those passed on in spirit they there
It's gon' be what it must, break bread wit'cha crew
If you got kids take the crust
It's all love baby, tell your girl she's strong
And whisper in her ear after dinner it's on
And take it slow baby, cause everything real
When you at family dinner y'all enjoy that meal
Thank God that you healthy and you keepin it tight
And keep your dreams lighthearted when you sleepin at night
 
[Chorus - sped up vocal sample]
 
[John Cena]
Yeah - and right now I'm showin love to my brothers and my old man
To my girl, "Let's Get it On" like the slow jam
To everybody that I'm runnin down the road with
Y'all my family, I know that you know this
Fox, Rock, B's and Chaos
Y'all growin up with me man, true to life players
Grandma or grandpa watchin up above
Trademarc you my heart cousin, nothin but love
 
[Tha Trademarc]
Thanks momma, for all that you was
You a strongarm lady baby crazy with love
My sister raised me, those are the facts
And taught me how to rebuild when the order collapsed
And right now I'm blessed no stress no less
And thanks hip-hop for givin me back focus, huh
Yeah John, what can I say?
It's all love from day one, you showed me the way
 
[Chorus - sped up vocal sample]
 
Since I heard that song, I've changed. I'm living life to the fullest. You should too! Break Free of the chains that bind you to the world! You'll love it!
 
Any THoughts?