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Parenting For One

    

2005-10-28


Who Are Your Childrens Role Models?

 

Who are Your Children's Role Models? Where do you draw the line?


Being a single father of two growing girls, the task at hand is quickly growing at a pace that I struggle to keep up with. Every girl needs a mother, but sadly many do not have their mother in their life, as is the case with my girls. My oldest daughter is eleven going on twenty. She can't wait to grow up, in fact, if she had it her way she would just skip these wonderful years and jump right through her teen years and be off on her own.

We've been going through a phase in the last month or so (I hope it's just a phase) where my oldest is wearing so much makeup around the house that I had to set some boundaries. First of all she's eleven and she's not going to wear makeup outside of this house. She all of a sudden didn't want to wear any clothes to bed and I quickly put a stop to that. Why all of a sudden is she behaving this way. Who is she trying to impress and more importantly, who is condoning this behavior or even putting the sleeping nude idea in her head?

I have four sisters, and my children are very close to my mother, yet she spends a lot of time at our neighbors house and I told my daughter that she needs to confide in one of my sisters, because I don't know what this neighbor is telling her. My daughter says she's like a mother to her. I had to explain to her what I thought a mother should be like. I told her this lady is not her mother, and she's never once even invited you for dinner. Do you think a mother would send you away while she eats dinner, or do you think a mother would feed you as well?

I am the father here, and for now, I'm the mother as well. How can I possibly make all the right decisions as a single dad? Obviously I can't, but From now on if she needs to talk about girl stuff, she'll have to talk to her aunts or my mother. Would you send your daughter to a school that you know nothing about or a day care without knowing exactly what's going on? I can't take the chance that she will gather all her answers from a stranger who has never been a mother herself. It's easy to spend a couple of hours with kids that aren't yours, but after awhile they go home and their not your problem any more. That's not being a mother and it certainly doesn't impress upon me that she's a good role model, and I am not comfortable with my child learning from her when I never know what the curriculum is. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and trust your doing the right thing. There are going to be some changes around here, because I love my daughters and they are at a very influential age. This looks like a job for...Mister Mom



Comment posted by kkylara at 2005-11-03 15:40:01 

Hey, I hear you. My daughter went through puberty from age 10 to 17. A loooong time, but she came out very well in the end!! Hang in there. Tell your daughter your thoughts and feelings and invite her to share with you, don't be afraid because you are her dad... My son is a single dad...his daughter is 13. Just keep setting limits and letting her bounce off them. As long as she knows you love her, eventually you will both get through this!!

Fran Watson
www.franwatson.ca
Comment posted by evajmah at 2005-11-11 18:09:32 

You are being a loving, involved father. You have a right to know where your kids are getting their information from. As a woman who loves kids but doesn't have any of her own, I must say that if a child/teen came to me with questions, I would go to the parent and let them know that I was asked for information by his/her child. I did that even with my nephew when he was growing up. You, as the parent, get to decide what values to teach your children.

If you don't know this woman who has become important in your daughter's life, get to know her. Try to figure out why your daughter went to this stranger. There is probably a very simple reason why your daughter has not turned to her aunts or grandmother that can be easily fixed.
Comment posted by How2-4Newbies at 2005-11-18 21:00:47 

Your daughter is growing up fast on you and the teen years
are so very important in the life of a young girl - harder for one without a mother. You are doing a wonderful job as a loving dad and caring parent. Might I suggest you look to see if there is a big sister group in your area? Check them out well and see if they can be a help through this growing period. Sometimes an aunt or even a grandma cam be a wee bit too much for your daughter to trust in. If she does not have that relationship with them now then do not push it for she never will.

One thing your daughter needs is someone to support who she is and a friend does that but not at the expense of your daughter's health or safety. It is hard to confide in an aunt who will run to daddy no matter the issue and that is how our kids feel - we can to too old, just do not understand or we are the family snitch.

As for this next door neighbor, I think I would be getting to know her well enough to suggest she mind her own business. That raising your daughter is your job and if she has something worth your daughter knowing then run it by you first.

I have raised five daughters pretty much on my own and while
there are times I have been their friend and confidant there
are also times I just cannot fit the whole picture for them. Even as adults, they need that special friend and shoulder.
Help them find the right one with their interests at heart.

Good luck

Fran Klasinski
http://www.kwalitydesigned4success.com
http://www.blogestates.com/blog/how2-4newbies

Copyright ©2005-2007 Jay Bartels