2006-09-10
5 Principles of Parenting That Prepare Our Children for Life in the Real World
Before I became a father, I was a son, a brother, and a nervous misguided child with no self esteem and no clue what life was all about. My father told me how big of a mess up I was and I soon came to believe him. My mother gave me love and encouragement and through her came the faith and belief that I was a good person with a good heart, and I was put on this Earth to do good things. My mother and her mother as well, had very strong standards and principles pertaining to loving each other and treating everyone with respect and compassion. Here are the 5 most important ideals that I grew up with and still apply to this very day. These are the values that shape our children's character. These are a set of principles that they too will one day give this gift to their own children. Let's start with Honesty.
HONESTY: The first and possibly the most important principle of them all. The later in life that a child understands the importance of being honest, the more likely they are to find themselves in many situations that are painful and discomforting. They must understand that there are no exceptions to the rule, such as white lies, withholding the truth, or not telling things the way they really happened. Honesty leads on into our second principle.
ACCOUNTABILLITY: It may sound harsh, but children must learn to take responsibility for their actions. Our kids have all the excuses in the world, although they forget that we were kids too and we've pretty much heard it all. They have to realize that there are very few legitimate excuses, but in general they need to apply our first principle, Honesty, and learn to tell it like it is. This is particularly important in our children's school work. They must understand that they are the ones who need to make sure their homework's done. This doesn't excuse us parents from participating actively with our children's school work, it only means that it's their obligation to know their homework assignment, to bring home their study book, to do ALL their homework, and to be sure to turn it in to their teachers. If they aren't fully adhering to our first principle of honesty, we can expect that our children will eventually fall into trouble at school, and as parents we must hold them accountable and not allow excuses or finger pointing. They messed up. They messed up and that's part of life. We make mistakes and we suffer the consequences, but we must teach them a valuable lesson is to be learned here.
RESPECT FOR OTHERS: When teaching our children important life principles, it is imperative to set an example of respect for others. Our children must understand that we are not to judge, criticize, label, disrespect, or hold prejudice towards any individual based on their looks, religion, financial status, beliefs or disabilities. This lesson must be taught by example, and should strictly be dealt with right away when these problems arise, and believe me they will arise. We must teach them that we are children of God and our purpose here is to love each other and to help one another. If you don’t strongly believe this your self, then be prepared for your children to grow up selfish, judgmental, and in all probability racist. Respect for others starts in the home, or may never start at all.
GRATITUDE: Many of us take a lot of things in life for grant it, even more so with our children. They assume there will be will be taken care of and basically don’t have a care in the world. It is essential that our children realize that food doesn’t magically appear on the dinner table each night, and their playstations and game boys cost a lot of money that we as parents work very hard for. Children must understand how blessed and fortunate they are, especially children lucky enough to be living in the U.S.A, as opposed to the millions and millions of children who not only don’t have the luxuries we are afforded, but may not have food on their tables at all. Our children as a whole are spoiled and have very little appreciation for even the simple things in life. Teach your children wisely, not only to have gratitude for what they have, but to have gratitude for the problems in the world that we are fortunate enough not to have. Perhaps this will help to strengthen their character enough to see the importance of helping and caring for those less fortunate than us.
SAYING “I LOVE YOU”: You can never say “I Love You” too many times. Perhaps the three most powerful words in any language. Always end a phone conversation or a bedtime story with an “I Love You”. It seems a bit simplistic as far as principles go, however it could truly set the stage for our children growing up unafraid to express their feelings to another. Many of us have a difficult time with this. There is a wonderful feeling, so natural, that comes to us when we tell another “I Love You”, and of course when someone speaks those wonderful words to us. We must first make our children feel loved, before they can truly understand how to love themselves. Start every morning and end each evening by holding your child close to you and whispering those spirit lifting, powerful words we all need to hear. Just say to them “I Love You”, and perhaps they’ll grow up with a heart of gold and an abundance of love for all.
If you enjoyed this article, please visit Jay's Family sites at Jays Plan - Secrets of a Single Dad and Family Health With Mister Mom
2005-12-15
Mauled At The Mall
The women in my family have a thanksgiving tradition that they have followed for more years than I can remember. The planning and strategy goes into effect days before thanksgiving itself. They gather at my sister’s house, and they begin to go through the sale ads for the busiest shopping day out of the year, which is the day after thanksgiving. I'm sure many people do the same, but they are among an elite and dedicated fanatic organization called the early birders. These renegade shoppers are perhaps the best in the world and the level of competition ranks right up there with the Olympics. In fact, there are rumors circulating through this underground coalition that this may soon become an experimental Olympic event at the games of 2008.
Although the stores open at 5 a.m, the diehard cultists begin camping outside only hours after that last piece of pumpkin pie is eaten. The lines are reminiscent of the crowds which use to camp out for Led Zeppelin or the rolling stones, back in the 70's and early 80's. There are only a limited amount of the electronic items each store is allocated to sell at ridiculously low prices. For a newcomer, they have no idea of the danger and chaos that awaits them as the manager unlocks the door and the running of the bulls begins. My sister told me of a woman that ran beneath her shopping cart, but not to worry, as soon as my sister grabbed 1 of the mere 20 computers, she quickly went back to the woman, picked her up and apologized, and was thoughtful enough to call 911 for an ambulance. I thought that to be a wonderful example of how compassionate people become in the spirit of the holidays. I'm proud of you sis, and how ever did you get that great parking spot in the handicap zone?
So this year I decided to give it a go, but when I showed up at 10 minutes to 5 the line was wrapped around the parking lot. I was having second thoughts and wondering what in the world was I doing at 5 in the morning standing in line behind hundreds of people, many of them wondering they were standing in line behind so many people.
Let me see. The store has 20 computers and I have 420 people ahead of me, and I don't think they've been waiting out here all night to get a good jump on the bows and wrapping paper. 20 minutes later I'm in the store and it dawns on me that I might have got in line a few hours to late. Almost every basket had an $88 TV in it. I saw people frantically grabbing the same 2 boxes of what, I don't know, but I knew it must have been some kind of crazy savings so I found a way to claw my way in and grab 2 for myself. And then it dawned on me, was I now partaking in some sort of ritualistic orientation into the savage cult I had refused to be part of for so many years? What in the world was I doing there, had I completely lost my mind?
Meanwhile, across town, my mother and one of my sisters reported in to me that they had secured me a camera and a sewing machine at their locations and I was delighted that I could get in my car, drive home, and get some much needed sleep. But it was too late. I was caught up in the frenzy and running on a second wind. I’m here, and darn it, I’m going to shop.So I filled my cart up with things I didn’t need, nor could I afford. I was spellbound and for the next 3 hours I too became part of the frenzy. And as I left for home the sunrise greeted me at the door, and I carefully maneuvered my cart around the fallen victims, careful not to do them any further harm. (Just kidding, they were already being treated) Oh the spirit of the holidays! The celebration of brotherly love. The joy of giving. Unfortunately when it came to Christmas spirit, they were completely sold out. Happy Holidays!
If you enjoyed this article, please visit Jay's Family sites at Jays Plan - Secrets of a Single Dad and Family Health With Mister Mom
Jay Bartels is the author of many human interest stories. Jay's own story of hope and inspiration can be found on his highly resourcefull family sites. Jay is a single father raising two young girls and shares his experiences in several journals that can be found on his web sites.
2005-10-28
Who Are Your Childrens Role Models?
Who are Your Children's Role Models? Where do you draw the line? Being a single father of two growing girls, the task at hand is quickly growing at a pace that I struggle to keep up with. Every girl needs a mother, but sadly many do not have their mother in their life, as is the case with my girls. My oldest daughter is eleven going on twenty. She can't wait to grow up, in fact, if she had it her way she would just skip these wonderful years and jump right through her teen years and be off on her own. We've been going through a phase in the last month or so (I hope it's just a phase) where my oldest is wearing so much makeup around the house that I had to set some boundaries. First of all she's eleven and she's not going to wear makeup outside of this house. She all of a sudden didn't want to wear any clothes to bed and I quickly put a stop to that. Why all of a sudden is she behaving this way. Who is she trying to impress and more importantly, who is condoning this behavior or even putting the sleeping nude idea in her head? I have four sisters, and my children are very close to my mother, yet she spends a lot of time at our neighbors house and I told my daughter that she needs to confide in one of my sisters, because I don't know what this neighbor is telling her. My daughter says she's like a mother to her. I had to explain to her what I thought a mother should be like. I told her this lady is not her mother, and she's never once even invited you for dinner. Do you think a mother would send you away while she eats dinner, or do you think a mother would feed you as well? I am the father here, and for now, I'm the mother as well. How can I possibly make all the right decisions as a single dad? Obviously I can't, but From now on if she needs to talk about girl stuff, she'll have to talk to her aunts or my mother. Would you send your daughter to a school that you know nothing about or a day care without knowing exactly what's going on? I can't take the chance that she will gather all her answers from a stranger who has never been a mother herself. It's easy to spend a couple of hours with kids that aren't yours, but after awhile they go home and their not your problem any more. That's not being a mother and it certainly doesn't impress upon me that she's a good role model, and I am not comfortable with my child learning from her when I never know what the curriculum is. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and trust your doing the right thing. There are going to be some changes around here, because I love my daughters and they are at a very influential age. This looks like a job for...Mister Mom
2005-09-11
BUT YOU'RE ONLY ELEVEN
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? MY OLDEST DAUGHTER IS ONLY 11 AND THINGS ARE STARTING TO HAPPEN TOO FAST AROUND HERE. I KNOW SHE HAS THINGS SHE NEEDS TO TALK ABOUT, BUT I UNDERSTAND SHE WOULD FEEL MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO UNDERSTANDS WHY HER BODY IS GOING THROUGH SO MANY CHANGES RIGHT NOW. SHE NEEDS A MOTHER FIGURE IN HER LIFE AND SHE KNOWS THAT I REALIZE THAT AS WELL. I GOT A CALL FROM THE SCHOOL NURSE LAST WEEK, AND SHE EXPLAINED TO ME THAT I NEEDED TO GO TO THE DRUG STORE, BUY THIS, AND WHEN SHE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL THAT DAY SHE EMPHASIZED THE DELICACY OF THIS MATTER. WHEN FAITH CAME HOME THAT AFTERNOON, I HANDED HER A BAG FROM THE DRUG STORE, GAVE HER A KISS ON HER FOREHEAD, AND TOLD HER THAT SHE COULD TALK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING AND REMINDED HER THAT I GREW UP WITH FOUR YOUNGER SISTERS. SHE SEEMED SO RELIEVED FROM MY ATTITUDE AND ACTUALLY CAME TO ME AND WE SPOKE ABOUT IT CANDIDLY. I REMINDED HER THAT IF SHE HAD ANY QUESTIONS SHE FELT UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT ASKING ME, SHE COULD ALWAYS SPEAK TO MY MOM OR ONE OF HER AUNTS. I MUST ADMIT, I WAS SHOCKED THAT WE WERE ALREADY FACING THESE CHALLENGING SITUATIONS, WHERE I HAD TO CAREFULLY THINK BEFORE I SPOKE, DUE TO THE SENSITIVITY OF OUR CONVERSATIONS, AND TO THE TRUST I WAS TRYING SO HARD TO BUILD WITH HER, IN ORDER TO SET A FOUNDATION FOR THE YEARS TO COME. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL THING WHEN SHE REALIZED SHE COULD COME TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. ALL IN ALL, I FEEL THAT WE'VE BEGUN TO CREATE A WONDERFUL BOND AND I LOVE HER SO.
2005-09-05
TEACHING YOUR KIDS TO LIKE FOOTBALL
THIS NEXT TRICK ISN'T AN EASY ONE, BUT BOY IF YOU CAN PULL IT OFF YOU GET THE FAMILY GUY AWARD FOR SPORTS RECRUITING. THE MOST IMPORTANT TOOL TO USE IS YOUR KID'S NATURAL INSTINCTS TO BE COMPETITIVE WITH EACHOTHER. GET THEM TO PICK THE TEAM THEY LIKE AND ASK THEM TO CHOOSE THEIR FAVORITE PLAYER. NOW WE'VE GIVEN THEM THEIR OWN TEAM TO ROOT FOR. KEEP PLENTY OF SPORTS CAPS AND JERSEYS AROUND THE HOUSE, SO WHEN YOUR FAVORITE TEAM IS PLAYING, THEY CAN BE SPORTING YOUR FAVORITE TEAMS GEAR. IN FACT, RIGHT NOW MY PLAN IS GOING INTO ACTION. MY DAUGHTERS ARE PICKING OUT THEIR FAVORITE MIAMI HURICANE CAPS, AS WELL AS ADORNING THEMSELVES WITH THEIR FAVORITE U.M SHIRT. I'M IN GOOD SHAPE AND THERE'S ONLY 20 MIUTES TO KICKOFF. I REMIND THE KIDS ONE MORE TIME ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS GAME, AND THEY SEEM FIRED UP. I'M DOING IT. MY PLAN IS IN ACTION. WHEN YOUR TEAM SCORES, START HIGH-FIVING THE KIDS. GET THEM SCREAMING RIGHT ALONG WITH YOU. EXPLAIN TO THRM WHAT JUST HAPPENED AND BE MAKE SURE THEY WATCH THE INSTANT REPLAY A COUPLE OF TIMES SO THEY CAN ACTUALLY GRASP THE MAGNITUDE OF THAT LAST GREAT PLAY. GRANT IT, THEY WON'T SIT THROUGH A WHOLE GAME WITH YOU, BUT THEY'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR FEAR YOU MAY TRY TO LURE THEM BACK ON THE SOFA, AND THEN AGAIN BE FORCED TO PARTICIPATE. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LET THEM TAKE OFF THE CAPS OR JERSEYS DURING THE GAME. THEY SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT THEY ARE THE TEAMS GOOD LUCK CHARM AND WE NEED THEM TO HELP US WIN. SHOULD YOUR TEAM LOSE, THEY MUST UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR LUCKY SHIRT ON AND THEY ARE NOT AT ALL RESPONSIBLE. SO THERE YOU HAVE IT. A SMART FAMILY GUY KNOWS HE MUST HAVE HIS CHILDREN ON HIS SIDE. YOUR KIDS NOW LOVE FOOTBALL, WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT. BEST OF LUCK! THE FAMILY GUY
2005-08-21
A SINGLE DAD WEARS A LOT OF HATS
I LOVE MY TWO GIRLS AND ENJOY BEING A PARENT TO THEM. BEING A SINGLE DAD CALLS FOR A LOT OF MY TIME AND I MUST WHERE SEVERAL HATS AROUND OUR HOUSE. MY FAVORITE AND MOST RECENT HAT, IS MY MISTER MOM HAT. THIS HAT BASICALLY STAYS ON ALL OF THE TIME, ALTHOUGH IT CAN ALSO BE WORN WITH VARIOUS OTHER HATS AS WELL. I'VE BEEN A SINGLE PARENT NOW FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS. THE GIRLS HAVEN'T SEEN THEIR MOM SINCE THEN EITHER. SO AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE, AT TIMES THEY START THINKING ABOUT HER AND ASKING WHY SHE LEFT, AND AT THAT POINT I NEED TO PUT ON A VERY SPECIAL HAT. I AM NOW THEIR NURTURER, THEIR TEACHER, THEIR FRIEND, AND A LOVING DAD. I NEED TO SHOW EMPATHY, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME ASSURING THEM EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT JUST FINE. NOW I MUST WEAR THE PROTECTIVE FATHER HAT. I MUST SEE TO IT THAT EVERYTHING DOES WORK OUT FOR MY CHILDREN, BECAUSE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER I GIVE THEM EVERYTHING I POSSIBLY CAN. WWW.JAYSPLAN.COM
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